On DNI pages in the realm of Neocities
I first saw ‘dni’-type lists pop up on Tumblr around the end of 2016, but it probably started a bit earlier than that. I remember when people would put ‘read my links byf’ on their promo posts (back before we had pinned posts and you could only view a person’s blog via their actual HTML page theme). I remember making my first one. In fact, the archive of one of my old blogs still has my old one up, in which a 15 year old me lists all of his triggers plainly and openly for all to see.
I don’t remember seeing DNIs quite so widespread until the past couple of years, but over time they went from “a way to display information people might need to know before interacting with you” (for example, maybe that you don’t often get social cues and need a bit of help with that, or maybe that you work a lot so might reply a bit late) to “a way to display your stances on discourse-related topics” (yes, I too had ‘dni if you think lesbians aren’t allowed to use whatever pronouns they want’ in my Twitter carrd in 2020) to what they are now, which is… basically a list of every group said individual hates, oftentimes including phrases of wishing violence against those groups. And some of these groups definitely deserve hatred, but seeing ‘racist/transphobe/homophobe’ and ‘fan of [cartoon for children]’ listed on the same page as if bigotry and enjoying a tv show are equally bad is very odd to me.
Asking a transphobe not to interact with you is inevitably going to do either of two things: 1) encourage certain transphobes to interact with you, because they don’t think they’re transphobic (e.g. I have a trans friend, how could I be transphobic?) 2) alert to people who are unapologetic transphobes that you are a potential target. Which, of course, stating your gender as a trans person at all whatsoever does too, but that brings me to my next point…
These days, most social media has a block button that is extremely easy to utilize. I think most app distributors require a blocking feature in order to have social media apps listed. You Can Just Block People. Just block anyone who makes you uncomfortable, state what you stand in solidarity with on a portion of your bio/pinned post/page if you wish to, and move on.
But my opinions on the usefulness of DNIs aside, I have seen an increasing amount of DNI pages posted to websites on Neocities, and I honestly think that having them kind of… misses the point of having your own personal website, in a way.
First of all, why did you join Neocities? The reason I joined Neocities was mainly to escape the depressing, capitalistic hellscape that mainstream social media is now, but also to escape the toxicity of mainstream social media… actually, I wanted to escape social media almost entirely. Tumblr and Twitter are cesspools of drama. No one on there knows how to be kind, everyone thinks they’re in the right and no one is willing to educate or consider nuance. You’re guilty until proven innocent, sliced up for any mistake and given no grace, no room for improvement. Anyone who doesn’t fit this slim idea of acceptable gets judged.
I didn’t join Neocities to bring the drama of “you’re a terrible person if you XYZ” or “hey, remember how there are bad people out there who want you dead just for being you? I’d like to ask them pretty pwease don’t interact with me!!” to my page—and this says nothing about my stances or opinions on anything besides that I want a place where I can be me. Now, of course, escapism isn’t always healthy—you cannot simply turn a blind eye to the horrors and injustices of the world all the time. But that’s not what I’m doing—I acknowledge and make my stance on bigotries and injustices known openly on my websites—that’s not the kind of escapism I’m talking about, and DNI lists aren’t activism at all.
Neocities isn’t like Tumblr or Twitter. Interactions are optional. You can turn your site profile off, you don’t have to add a guestbook or a c-box. Most people on here are on here because Neocities is a place where people can freely express who they are. Yes, inevitably, some people are going to use that freedom to express harmful opinions. But, well, when that happens…
And, honestly, those people probably aren’t even going to read your DNI page/section. I know it sucks that we can’t do much else to rid the small web of bigots—I’m reminded of a certain webring with a queerphobia requirement that I very much loathe—-but, unless there’s content that violates the Neocities terms of service, there’s not much else you can do.
I’m on Neocities because I want a place to put my eccentricities without fear of being told I’m an embarrassment, or I’m in the wrong for doing something harmless, or I’m cringe for not going to the club, or I’m a bad person because I think Ava and Deborah from Hacks should kiss a little. While I love the community formed on Neocities, and the people I follow on here, the social aspect of Neocities is not why I use Neocities.
Neocities is a network of mostly unrelated independent personal websites with a social feed that people typically only use to discuss personal website and small web-related topics. (I’ve seen personal updates, but they’re sparse, and usually in the form of people conversing with each other via profile posts.) People use it for all sorts of things, and Yes, you CAN put whatever you want on your site - that’s the point - but in the personal website sphere, I just have to ask: if you’re spending your time here worried about who might see your content rather than focusing on independence, creativity, passion, so on and so forth - is Neocities really the right website for you? Maybe you’d prefer Carrd instead.